you know, that time where the people you hang around with start getting all comfy with their significant others. In the next few years more and more proposals will be tossed around and more and more girlies my age will be gettin’ all preggy and shit.
I feel like it’s about that time I start looking for my perfect soul mate. Now, where oh where can I find a gorgeous, natural bodybuilding, NHL player who cooks and isn’t a complete douche?
..He has got to be the biggest bag of douche I have ever met. I don’t fight with anyone, like, ever. But this guy!!! THIS FUCKING GUY!!! I cannot for the life of me get along with him. I want to kick his teeth in every time he talks to me.
…one of the questions they asked me was, “On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your favourite colour?”
….ummmmmmmmm what?
…can fuck me any day. Whoaaaa flashback to the post I made last year. http://imprettyrad.tumblr.com/post/12473078349/the-avengers
Yes, yes, the movie was just as great as I expected it to be. So much sexy crammed into just 150 minutes…*orgasms* Now that I’ve finally seen The Avengers movie, I can honestly say that my feelings towards all the characters still stand as they were.
Tony Stark, that heroic sun of a gun. Should still do me because I’m a rocket and I can’t help but melt every time I look into those beautiful, brown eyes.
Thor, Thor, Thor…where do I even begin?! He’s like the most beautiful man in the world and just my type, too! Beautiful and muscular. So large. So muscular. So hot. He can nail me with his hammer any day. Whoa, see what I did there.
Captain America is a stunner. He’s loyal and he cares about the little guy. And since I’m a tiny girl, I’m sure we’ll get along great. He is one a few in the Marvel world who was deemed worthy enough to carry Thor’s hammer and so in this situation and this situation only… I’ll let those two play that game.
Bruce Banner… totally gay. Why couldn’t they pick another beaut to play your role? HULK on the other hand, oh boy! So wild. So Dangerous. The Hulk can smash me anytime.
Black Widow, sorry, no, I still don’t like Scarlette Johannson.
I’ve always made fun of those “Twi-hard” girls. Because let’s face it… Twilight is a little really gay. But last week, I hardly worked and had nothing to do, so I decided to give the books a chance and I spent my time reading all four. I’m not gonna lie, there were some super gay parts, like…incredibly super gay parts, but for the most part, the books weren’t as bad as I thought they would be.
Where I’m going with this is that a few weeks ago I made a post talking about how my love life was just full of drama and put Twilight to shame - thing is, I made that post without ever reading any of the Twilight books. And now that I have read all four, I still stick to my word. If my string of romances were translated into books, I would be making millions and have a loyal following of 15 year old, boy crazed, teeny boppers who think they know what love is an can therefore relate to me but actually can’t because they’re only 15 year old teenyboppers.
SO if you know how to write or you are a publisher get in contact with me annnnd I’ll help make you rich.
..key my boss’s Ferrari. Smash the lights on all three of his Mercedes. Slash the tires on his Land Rover. Carve my name into the leather seats of his Escalade. Sink his boat. Point and laugh at his son turned daughter. And then punch him in the nose. …God, he is such a douche.
kdufyhajsdafjsdaflnkslnsda
Having the place to myself all week has its ups and downs.
Ups:
- I can walk around naked if I want (which I don’t)
- I can walk around in underwear (which I do)
- I can sing as loud as I want
- I can have the boys over to play beer pong
- I can get drunk, puke and then pass out wherever I feel like
- I have the big TV and big couch all to myself
- I can drive the sexy car that I’m not allowed to drive
- I don’t have three other people to clean after
Downs:
- When I’m not at work, it’s boring as hell
- There’s no one to make me dinner
- I have to take out the garbage
- I watched a scary movie and now I’m afraid someone will kill me and my body won’t be found for days
- I’m afraid to go in my basement because it will increase my odds of being killed
Okay. I think I’ve covered it.
… Might seem intimidating to those who don’t know him but he is actually the smartest, coolest, funniest and most caring old guy I know.
He was a mechanical engineer for like a thousand years. And not just any old engineer, he was project manager for sites in different countries. Because he went to school back in the day before computers and calculators he had to figure problems out the old fashioned way. You can throw down the most complicated mathematical equation in front of him and he can figure it out like THAT!
He’s also pretty funny. He tells the funniest jokes and has the best sense of humour. He told me once that no one cares about Justin Bieber and that he’s an asshole. Cheers to that, Baba!
I remember when we were kids, we used to lay on the floor watching tv and my grandpa would come and roll over us and yell “Bulldozer!” …. I guess he didn’t know the English word for steamroller and thought it was bulldozer.
He’s also the most caring man I know. He cares about everything from the flowers in the garden and squirrels in the yard to his wife and our future generations that he won’t be around to see.
I always look so forward to seeing him because I know it’s going to be non-stop jokes when we talk.
Oh, man, am I going to miss him…
Bahebak, Baba <3
Really, dude. The more you cry to me, tell me how in love you are and beg me to take you back… the less I want you. Stop looking like a pathetic sniveling baby. Get your shit together and man the fuck up.
… Upon being hired you have to sign a paper saying you will not talk about anything that happens at work outside of work.
I have been working at this place for the last nine months and let me tell you, of all the places I’ve ever worked at, I have never seen so much drama within a business establishment like I’ve seen here. It’s insane. So insane that I’m going to ignore that paper I signed and tell you all about my boss (obviously gonna leave out his name and the company name..)
I’ve personally witnessed my boss cheat on his wife, I’ve been hit on by him, I’ve seen him drive absolutely sauced, pass out drunk in his car in the parking lot, I’ve seen him trick drunk guys into thinking they’re getting drinks on the house only to throw down a $400 bill in front of them, I’ve seen him steal money from his staff, I’ve seen him scream at his staff until he’s red in the face and they’re crying, I’ve seen his coked out friends hit on any female from the age of 12 to 150, ummm his “daughter” used to be a boy (lol), I’ve seen him freak out because he mistakenly thought that two people who walked into the place were mobsters that were after him, one of his friends is an arms dealer.
I heard (from a family member of his) that he was once ripping at 180 down an 80 road, got pulled over but the cop let him go because he knew him and at one point invested money in his company. I also heard that one day when driving drunk he hit a guy on a motorcycle and paid him $10 000 to not involve the cops.
I have enough stories to last a lifetime, this is just all I could come up with in the last seven minutes.
I got my hair cut today and I am not pleased. I went there for a trim and I came back pretty much bald. I went there with like two feet of long, beautiful, straight, dark brown hair. And I left with like 1 foot and 7 inches of beautiful, straight, dark brown hair.
To most of you fellow Tumblrs that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but you know what? IT IS TO ME!!! My hair is five inches shorter. That’s the equivalent of like one silly boy cut wig for women or even two wigs for men…That’s a lot.
My hairrrrrrr :’(
How some people are able to drift through life uneducated and unemployed like useless dead logs is beyond me. I finished school on Thursday, I’m the first of my friends to be done. I didn’t work yesterday or today. Without work and school to keep me occupied I feel like I’m going to go crazy.
Today is such a nice day - it’s 28 degrees outside and (kinda) sunny. I should be out there enjoying the weather…but there’s nothing outside for me to do! Like what am I supposed to do, just sit all day on a chair in my backyard? No. That’s stupid. So instead I’m all cooped up in my room. You know what I did do though? I taught myself the names and locations of like 160 countries. Thirty-six more countries to learn until I am the smartest girl alive!!
Oh yeah, I also made a really good sandwich with almond butter, honey and strawberries. I told someone about it and they were all “Gross! Are you on crack? Why would you put strawberries on a sandwich?!” Seriously, don’t knock it till you try it. This sandwich is orgasmic. The real question however, is why would you put peanut butter and bananas on a sandwich? If you don’t think strawberries go on a sandwich then bananas definitely have no business on a samwich either. Fucking gross, man.
There was a time when my life used to be full of fun and exciting shenanigans. That life ended when I left high school and grew up. Everyone knows that once you enter the real world there isn’t much time for fun. According to my research, once you enter your second year of university, the amount of time you spend having fun decreases by approximately 85% and then by another 50% once children enter the equation.
Now that we’ve established that I have a pretty boring life, I’ll tell you what isn’t boring - my love life. My love life is actually really dramatic. If I wanted, I could probably produce a series of best selling romantic novels and movies (that only end in heartbreak) based on the relationships and flings that I’ve had. Twilight doesn’t have shit on the factual stories that I could produce. I think my stories would even beat… dare I say it?….The Notebook! My series of romantic novels would be world wide best sellers.
For realzies, yo!
And I just want to make clear that the drama isn’t me. It’s always the dudes. Ugh, guys are such sensitive little girls sometimes…
